Thursday, December 27, 2012

Real Marriage

You may be questioning why I am reading a book on the topic of marriage. I am single and not even dating anyone.... But I truly believe in learning as much as I can about marriage before actually BEING married. This book has a super honest tone to it since Mark and Grace Driscoll share openly about some struggles in their own marriage, especially early in their marriage. Like many couples, Mark and Grace are complete opposites, which led to many obstacles for them in marriage.

They are not afraid of this subject, which is refreshing for someone like myself who grew up in the church and rarely heard these subjects discussed with such openness.

The book is divided into three sections: Marriage, Sex, and the Last Day. In the first section, they talk about some of their own baggage they brought into the marriage. It is important to know that matters of the heart do not heal themselves and you need to speak openly about what you are bringing to the table. In the second sections, they cover everything from what is permissible in marriage to pornography to abuse. The third section might be the most applicable and important section because it is basically a list of questions to discuss with your spouse about how you want the end of your life to be. From that goal you work backwards to where you are at this moment and how to get to where you want to be.

Some of my favorite quotes are:

"Marriage is about friendship. All the talk about spending time together, doing life together, making memories, being a good listener, growing old and taking care of each other, being honest, having the long view of things, repenting and forgiving can be summed up in one word -- friendship" (23).

"Married life can seems as if it's only five days long. The first day you meet, the second day you marry, the third day you raise your children, the fourth day you meet your grandchildren, and the fifth day you die first or bury your spouse to go home alone for the first time in many years" (35-36).

"[Y]our standard of beauty is your spouse" (109).

The following quote is why I believe it is ESSENTIAL for churches to approach the subject in middle school rather than just in high school (if at all): "A staggering 90 percent of children between the ages of eight and sixteen have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally  The average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is eleven. The largest consumer category of Internet pornography is boys ages twelve to seventeen" (113).

"When someone stalks you, is obsessed with you, and threatens you, it's psychological abuse, and it changes you drastically" (125). Hello, TWILIGHT! Media has an important part in what we consider acceptable...

"Marriage is for our holiness before our happiness" (159).

"Researchers have estimated that sexual assault occurs in 10-14 percent of all marriages.... Under no circumstances is sexual assault of any sort acceptable in marriage" (202). I found that statistic very surprising and saddening.

I know this is the longest book review post I've done, but I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading this book. Obviously I could put up more quotes, but you'll just have to read the book (you can do it -- it's only 220 pages).


  1. proud of you jen for doing "research". sounds like a good book

  2. i think it's awesome and admirable for you to read up on and learn of these things. you are going to make one good wife to one blessed man!